Monday, December 31, 2012

Obviously the World Didn't End on the 21st ...

Happy New Year everyone!






(insert orgasmic fireworks pic of choice here)






Yes,  I'll be baaaack.






Soon.





;-)

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Burying the Windows

Sailing.  There's nothing like it.

It's a very unique form of transportation, especially these days where gas prices are skyrocketing, and taking out the motor cruiser for a day trip will guilt you into having to catch dinner.

With sailboats, no gas is required.  Fishing is optional.

During my teens I would go sailing in Toronto Harbour with a bunch of people on a friend's boat.  In fact, my friend recruited us as his crew for some of the Monday races held by the yacht club to which he belonged.  We won a few and lost a few races but held our own as the youngest - and most winningnest - crew of the time amongst the snobbery of the older yacht club members.

I learned quite a bit about sailing in those days.  For those of you not so educated in sailing jargon, "coming about" means a leasurley turn with the wind.  "Tacking" means, "duck quickly and hold onto something before you're thrown out of the boat" while turning against or into the wind.  "Doh!" is not a deer, a female dear, but the name of the person, or the exclamation of the person that ends up with a skull fracture for not ducking when tacking.  The term, "boom" is the part of the sailboat and/or the sound heard just immediately after tacking and just before one hears, "Doh!"

If you hear, "boom-boom", well that's just Ms. Catlady Larew returning from her sabbatical, donned in her high school cheerleader outfit. (Besides losing an internal organ, Boom Boom lost a bit of weight!)

But I digress.

A few years later, a friend of my parents (who I kind of adopted as my "Big Bother" as it were) bought a sailboat.  It wasn't as big as my friend's boat but it was fair sized.  It was rigged for a single sailor, but he didin't know that much about sailing.  He did, in fact, buy a book about sailing - I'll give him kudos for that one - and studied it for awhile before getting under way.  Knowing that I had sailed before and having a couple of cruises under his belt, he invited me along one day.

It was a bit windy.

A little cloudy.

No worries, he said, as we motored out into the lake.

Hoisted the sails, we did.

Come about, we did.

We were set to cruise a bit of the way into the horizon and 'follow all of the other boats' into the direction to which they headed when, all of a sudden, we hear a gunshot!

Then a blowhorn with a voice, we heard.  Much like Charlie Brown's classroom, it was.  Couldn't understand a word, we did.

Me and my friend (I'll call him "Jim") were staring at each other perplexed as to the meaning of the words coming out of the blowhorn which, by the mere shrillness with which they were delivered, we were supposed to have automatically understood.

Not.

Following the traversing sails along the horizon - and the tell tale signs of 'racing' buoys  -  I suddenly had an epiphany.

Oh, shit!  I said.

What shit? said Jim.

We're crashing a regatta, I informed him.

What's a regatta?


It's a boat race.


Why are they shooting at us? said Jim.

They aren't.  Someone just crossed the finish line - I hope.


Why are they yelling at us?


Because we're about to transect the race course.

Oh, shit!  Said Jim. Now what?


You're at the helm!


Go get the book!  It's down below, he said.

(At this point I'm thinking that Jim wanted to look up the protocol as to how to crash a regatta:  did it involve a boat or a bottle of champagne?)

As I was heading into the cabin, I suggested that he turn the boat on another course, preferably away from the other boats.

Remember when I said that there were two ways to turn a boat?

Rather than coming about, Jim tacked (he zagged instead of zigged).  It was sudden.  It was fierce.  He neglected to loose the mainsheet (the rope which allows the boom to swing freely) which would have, for all intents and purposes, stopped us dead in the water.

Most pleasure craft boats have 'portholes' or windows alongside their hulls and usually found near the gunnels of the boat (the "gunnels" being the topmost part of the hull).  Think of a canoe.  Got it?

Right.

As I was being slammed against the side of the hull inside of the cabin, I realized there was no "book".  I think Jim was playing me for a fool.  I turned my head toward the portholes to see what was happening outside and noticed that the boat had heeled to a 45 degree angle.  Jim had, effectively, "buried the windows".

I think I saw a school of perch swim by.

Hey, Jim!  Got any fishing rods?


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This is part of the "30 Days of Verbosity Writing Challenge", hosted by Nicky and Mike at We Work For Cheese, and yes I know I'm a day late with today's - or yesterday's - theme, but there are no rules!  Yay! Please click on the WWFC link for more entries and - hey - enter yourself!  It's fun!  








Friday, June 1, 2012

30 Days of Writing: Cheese

Years ago I said that I hated cheese.  I can now eat those words – and eat better cheese, too.  For, you see, the only cheese that I was familiar with when I was very young was those nasty processed cheese slices.

Oh, I so hated that cheese.  Not only did it taste awful, it would stick to the roof of my mouth and for hours thereafter lingered the essence of vomital aftertaste.

Gah!

Then – and just as I was so hoping for a “new and improved” version of cheese as I then knew it – the PTB’s of this processed milk product managed to develop it into a spreadable form that came packaged in a jar.   I don't know why people wasted their time using knives to spread it when most people I knew just shoved their stick of celery right into the jar to scoop it out.  However, the aftertaste didn’t change.

Wait, it gets worse.

To make this pliable food putty more eye pleasing for hors d'oeuvres, the PTB’s stuffed it into a can of compressed air with a nozzle so that it could be dispensed into fancy dollops of yellowish-orange goo.  Later, it was also crammed into another can that squirted out thin cords of cheese that one could shape into flowers, stars, happy faces, miniature representations of dog turds, etc.  Although the method of delivery of this dairy-like diarrhea had been refined, the flavour had not.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, this processed food product was subsequently being mass produced into long, rectangular bricks of something that can - sadly - legally include the word “cheese” in its ingredients, tasting like the 'fabric' after which it appeared to be named, while still being capable of blocking the most highly fibre fed intestinal tract on the planet.

Yeah, I hated cheese.  And if that is all one knew about cheese when growing up, who wouldn't?

On a similar "processed food product" note, I understand that margarine is actually just one molecule away from becoming a plastic, so you may want to rethink that grilled processed cheese sandwich using a butter substitute.

Of course I've grown up and have learned that real cheese does exist and in many flavours and textures, but it will still be some time before I can even think to swallow a piece of blue cheese.

Gah!


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Yes, it's another 30 days of insanity:  a blogging meme that involves posting something on your blog every day for 30 days which, in this case, involves a lot of words based on themes that might drive one totally bonkers.  This round is dubbed, "30 Days of Writing" and is hosted by Nicky at We Work For Cheese, who (apparently) didn't get enough self-flagellation during the "30 Days of Photographs" challenge that was recently held in April, and who has an intense desire to make fun of the participants in their comment sections.


Today is Day 1.  The topic/theme is "cheese" and the following masochists participants have contributed their own thoughts/takes of this bovine byproduct:


Jayne, Ziva, Linda, MikeWJ (a.k.a. BonyMike), Mike (a.k.a. CheesyMike), Nicky, Bryan, LaughingMom, John (a.k.a. dufus), Katherine,  Leeuna, and  Reffie (a.k.a. Reforming Geek).






Tuesday, May 1, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Outtakes

A long month's journey to hell - and back??  It was supposed to be over but, noooooo, the PTB's of this 30 Days of Photographs II challenge (Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ) decided that 30 days wasn't enough torture sharing and have requested the participants publish some of their unused or rejected photos of this challenge.


In no particular order, here are some of mine:


42:  One of the lion statues at "Camelot"
BIRD:  Coconut tree displaying the Morse Code of resident woodpeckers
(and woodpeckers may just peck your eyes out)

MIRROR:  Two of the less dizzying webcam outtakes

STRANGER:  My mom preferred the second one

TIME:  I was trying to get a shot of the cobwebs and dust that had collected on this candle holder.
Fail.

CROWD:  Like birds, toothpicks may also peck your eyes out

FIRE:  Two shots I kind of liked but got burned

FISH TALES:  My post foot injury outtakes (my 'studio' was relegated to my desk and laptop screensavers at this point)

TRAGEDY:  Rejected entry for Part 3 of my "Trilogy":  The Experiment, Power, Tragedy


WOOD:  The tree that grew the roots shown in my post for Wood
(and before you ask again, it's a Poinciana tree)



and, finally:



FIRE:  Upon reviewing my fire photos, I now realize I did have a shot for The Devil after all.
D'OH!



While it wasn't mandatory that the outtakes be published today (or at all), some participants might post them in the near future, so please give them a boo:




Monday, April 30, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 30


The Devil






"Mommy!  It's over!"

(Really, I got nothin'.)


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This is THE LAST DAY of 30 Days of Photographs II.  Please join the rest of us in celebrating the end of this gruelling challenge that tested our wit, imagination, photographic skills and - last, but not least - sanity:




Sunday, April 29, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 29



Lines

A wall facade in our house


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Due to intestinal difficulties, I was unable to respond to all comments on yesterday's theme.
I'm feeling a bit better and will post replies all comments when I can.
Thank you for your understanding.
- 00dozo


("Get me a bucket.")

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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:




Saturday, April 28, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 28



Outlier





This is Shaboo.  He is one of the six dogs we have.

Shaboo is very hard to photograph not only because he is all black but also that he won't sit still for two minutes when he sees me pointing a camera at him.  After chasing him back and forth from room to room, I was only able to get one good shot.

He doesn't play with the other dogs.  He sits off by himself, is very quiet and only barks when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.

All of our dogs have nicknames, some have more than one and all of them, except Shaboo, have the same nickname when that dog is in my way, doing something to piss me off or if I can't immediately remember his or her name.

Shaboo has only two nicknames:  "Monkey boy" because he tries to talk to you when he wants attention and sounds like a chimpanzee; the other is "Ghost" because you can't see him in the dark and will appear out of nowhere.  You can't even hear him coming (or going) because - believe this or not - he trims his own toenails!

In the group of dogs, he is considered to be the Beta male.  But when our Alpha dog passes, I doubt that Shaboo will want to fill that position and I don't believe he will mind if our other eldest dog takes over.


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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:







Friday, April 27, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 27



Nude


Awkward?

Well, it is nude.

It was either this or a bowl of raisin bran.  And while raisin bran isn't technically "nude", the raisins looked like a bunch of rabbit turds.

I didn't want to spoil anyone's breakfast.



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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:







Thursday, April 26, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 26



My Toothbrush




I know, I know.  Even with such a simple theme, I'm late again.  But in my own defense, I was having trouble uploading photos from my camera - I think my USB cable went on strike in protest of this idea.

So, there you have it.

In all its glory.

My toothbrush.

Ew.



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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:





Wednesday, April 25, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 25




The Future








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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:





Tuesday, April 24, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 24



Crowd 


"Re:  Apologizing In Advance..."

This is a visual representation of what I found in my Inbox this morning.



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(My apologies for not commenting on everyone's photos yesterday but I was sooooooo tired I hit the sack early.  I didn't even get around to responding to the comments on my blog.  I'll be catching up today.)



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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:



Monday, April 23, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 23



Fish Tales 




After a long day of not-so-successful angling, boisterous laughs flourish around a campfire in Algonquin Park.  The fire starts to cast ominous shadows upon pitched tents while men share their best fishing stories on this Victoria Day Weekend, better known in beer imbibing circles as The May 2-4 Weekend, and being the year's first holiday weekend that breaks up the boredom of long and cold Canadian winters.  This particular Monday is unique for it actually falls on Queen Victoria's birthday, May 24th and a good reason to take that extra
"2-4" along for the trip.

Not everyone went fishing, though.  Some are at home making coleslaw, macaroni and potato salads, arranging the condiments and stacking the buns in preparation of the evening's fare for the requisite holiday weekend backyard barbeque.  Others are enduring the holiday traffic, travelling far distances to open up the cottage and vacuum up the hibernating houseflies before their reanimation.  Some wrap up the day by tossing a line into the nearby lake or river.

But knowing each other too well, none of the men sitting around the campfire are easily taken in by the others' tales of the "one that got away" since the fish in those same stories increase in size with each telling:  the twelve ounce perch has gained a few pounds and the four pound pickerel is now the size of a sturgeon.  By the end of the evening, one of the members of the group will have earned the nickname, "Ishmael".


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Note:  This is an edited repost of an story I wrote for The Mag  (formerly known as "Magpie Tales").



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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:

Sunday, April 22, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 22



Portrait

"It's Tozo ... Double-Ow! Tozo."


My mom just came up with that.  "Tozo", that is.

It's day two.  I hurt.  I hurt all over.  The foot is just fine (thanks for asking) - very minimal pain, if any, but the rest of my body is aching.  The soreness from pushing and hopping from place to place, inch by inch with the walker makes me wish I had been pumping iron before the accident.

My butt even hurts.  It hurts because I no longer have a walker upstairs and have had to bum it back and forth from my bed to the washroom a couple of times.  I might just risk using the crutches tonight, and for anyone who has never used or needed crutches, it's not as easy as it might look.

As for my foot, I only suffered a small fracture that also caused a tiny bone chip in the fourth toe.  The hospital fitted me with a "soft-cast" (which is code for:  just another thing you will be tripping over in no time) and should come off in about four weeks.

Needless to say, I didn't get a photo for today's theme but improvised to get the quasi self-portrait above.

I promise not to take any more shots of my foot.


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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:

Saturday, April 21, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 21



Moon





Okay, so here's the thing.  Last night there was some lightning and thunder in the area and at around 11p.m., there was a blip in power which interrupted our internet reception.

Chase (one of our dogs) is terrified of thunder and sticks to me like Velcro whenever there is a storm.

I went upstairs to reset the cable box with Chase in tow.  I didn't realize that the cord from telephone that sits next to the box got stuck between my toes and my sandal.  As I turned to leave, the cord snagged my foot and I tried to stick out my other foot to gain my balance and avoid falling on my ass.  No such luck.  Chase was right behind me and, to avoid falling on her, I ended up contorting in such a manner that I literally bent the toes on the unstuck foot back toward my knee, and then I fell on my butt.

Five minutes of cursing and wails of pain ensued.

To make a long story short, I was unable to come up with any sort of photo for "moon" today, mostly because there was no moon last night (it was overcast anyway), but also because I think I may have broke my foot.

Luckily I had the foresight to buy an extra walker for my mother for the upstairs area and, even though she can no longer climb stairs, it certainly came in handy today.

I await delivery of some crutches so that I can enter the hospital with what's left of my dignity (and without having to fight with the walker) for x-rays.

I'll keep you posted.


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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:







Friday, April 20, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 20


Bird


This is not a dove.  This isn't a close-up.  This isn't even in focus.
This is, however, the only bird shot I had for today's theme.



I am an idiot.

I had the perfect opportunity to get a close up, focused and clear shot of a bird and I blew it.  When I entered my room to go to bed on Thursday night, I startled what I first thought was a "Money Bat" (a Black Witch moth common to the Bahamas that can grow very large in size) since there was all this flapping going on.  After turning on the light, I discovered it was only a mourning dove.

Knowing that it wasn't going to leave the room because it was too dark by then, I left it perched atop one of the ceiling fan blades to stare sideways at me (you know, in that creepy head-bobbing way that mourning doves do) for the rest of the night.

There it was, the following morning, sitting on the ceiling fan.  So, I opened the door to the balcony to allow the dove to regain its freedom and then plodded off downstairs to grab my morning coffee.

As I sat at the table sipping coffee and clearing the sleep out of my eyes, I glanced over to see what was up and coming in the list of tortures themes for this challenge.

And there it was:  Day 2o: Bird.

Needless to say, the dove had already flown the coop.

I am an idiot.



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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:




Thursday, April 19, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 19


White





There are many beautiful white things:
The White Cliffs of Dover,
white chocolate,
white knights,
white unicorns,
white noise,
but there is nothing like digging your toes into the
white sands of the beaches in the Bahamas.



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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:




Wednesday, April 18, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 18


Fire




So, my backyard bonfire was a bust.  The nice little campfire I built in my portable charcoal barbecue burned too quickly and, as I added more fodder, the wind picked up, snuffing out the flames, creating billows and billows of smoke that wafted into the house.  Luckily nobody suffered any ill affects from smoke inhalation.


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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:


Tuesday, April 17, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 17


Time






Time.  

There doesn't seem to be enough of it.

It eludes me.  It hates me.

It is my nemesis.

I will be late to my own funeral.  It's inevitable.




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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:



Monday, April 16, 2012

30 Days of Photographs II - Day 16


Ordinary Matters





Sunday dinner.  For some, it's truly ordinary.  For some, it truly matters.

I really had no idea as to how to interpret today's theme so I took this shot last night of the dinner table arrangement we never see at our house.  We had Sunday dinner with our visiting Canadian friend, a quasi-relative if you will, and it's a very rare occasion that my mother and I ever get out together.

It was fun.  I made a point of replacing the Scary Glass at the place settings for me and my mom with shorter ones but "Margo" (not her real name) said she was fine with hers.  I chuckled sardonically and with Margo sitting opposite of me, I thought her glass would be safe from my reach.  It was.  Halfway through dinner, Margo dumped her own glass over, spilling wine all over the table.

Sunday dinner.  Ordinary matters.



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This is part of the 30 Days of Photographs II challenge, spawned by Ziva & BonyMike (a.k.a. MikeWJ). Please visit the others that are contributing to this lunacy:

Bryan (now appearing in an alternate reality on a different blog site)