Friday, June 1, 2012

30 Days of Writing: Cheese

Years ago I said that I hated cheese.  I can now eat those words – and eat better cheese, too.  For, you see, the only cheese that I was familiar with when I was very young was those nasty processed cheese slices.

Oh, I so hated that cheese.  Not only did it taste awful, it would stick to the roof of my mouth and for hours thereafter lingered the essence of vomital aftertaste.


Then – and just as I was so hoping for a “new and improved” version of cheese as I then knew it – the PTB’s of this processed milk product managed to develop it into a spreadable form that came packaged in a jar.   I don't know why people wasted their time using knives to spread it when most people I knew just shoved their stick of celery right into the jar to scoop it out.  However, the aftertaste didn’t change.

Wait, it gets worse.

To make this pliable food putty more eye pleasing for hors d'oeuvres, the PTB’s stuffed it into a can of compressed air with a nozzle so that it could be dispensed into fancy dollops of yellowish-orange goo.  Later, it was also crammed into another can that squirted out thin cords of cheese that one could shape into flowers, stars, happy faces, miniature representations of dog turds, etc.  Although the method of delivery of this dairy-like diarrhea had been refined, the flavour had not.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, this processed food product was subsequently being mass produced into long, rectangular bricks of something that can - sadly - legally include the word “cheese” in its ingredients, tasting like the 'fabric' after which it appeared to be named, while still being capable of blocking the most highly fibre fed intestinal tract on the planet.

Yeah, I hated cheese.  And if that is all one knew about cheese when growing up, who wouldn't?

On a similar "processed food product" note, I understand that margarine is actually just one molecule away from becoming a plastic, so you may want to rethink that grilled processed cheese sandwich using a butter substitute.

Of course I've grown up and have learned that real cheese does exist and in many flavours and textures, but it will still be some time before I can even think to swallow a piece of blue cheese.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Yes, it's another 30 days of insanity:  a blogging meme that involves posting something on your blog every day for 30 days which, in this case, involves a lot of words based on themes that might drive one totally bonkers.  This round is dubbed, "30 Days of Writing" and is hosted by Nicky at We Work For Cheese, who (apparently) didn't get enough self-flagellation during the "30 Days of Photographs" challenge that was recently held in April, and who has an intense desire to make fun of the participants in their comment sections.

Today is Day 1.  The topic/theme is "cheese" and the following masochists participants have contributed their own thoughts/takes of this bovine byproduct:

Jayne, Ziva, Linda, MikeWJ (a.k.a. BonyMike), Mike (a.k.a. CheesyMike), Nicky, Bryan, LaughingMom, John (a.k.a. dufus), Katherine,  Leeuna, and  Reffie (a.k.a. Reforming Geek).

No comments:

Post a Comment