Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Phardon Me?

It was the mid seventies and my second, and last year at boarding school in the U.S.  I would be returning to Canada to finish high school.  In order to graduate in Ontario, one must have at least thirty eligible credits, whereas in the States (or at least in Florida), the requirement was six or eight credits less.

Determined to get all the required courses I could get in this second year, I signed up for geometry.  Unfortunately,  this conflicted with an elective class that I also wanted to take.  Alas, a sacrifice was made.

Geometry was my first class every day.  The teacher was new to the school and unknown to any of the students.  Upon entering the classroom  for the first time, everyone noticed that all the window blinds were closed and there was subdued lighting emanating from the overhead fluorescents, making the room somewhat darker than what we were used to.  Granted, the morning sun was a bit blinding at that time of day, but the north side shades were also closed.  We were all puzzled.

More puzzling was the teacher.  He was writing on the blackboard as the class entered.  His back was toward us.  When he finished writing and after everyone had taken their seats, he turned around.  Oh my god, I thought to myself.  They've hired Dracula!  Standing at the front of the room was a tall, dark-haired man, dressed in a black robe-like garment and wearing sunglasses.

Yes, sunglasses.

None of us knew what to make of him.  He appeared very strange and ominous.  My first thought was that he wanted to intimidate the class with his appearance.  He certainly did achieve that effect.  That was until he spoke.  We were all expecting a deep, foreboding voice to accompany this somewhat daunting figure standing before us.  Instead, he sounded like my stepfather (a.k.a. Satan ) when Satan rambled nonsense to himself in a somewhat high nasal voice.  It took all I had not to bust out laughing. Some other students also chuckled.

After introducing himself , he told us that he was from the Philippines, and that the bright morning light and the chalk dust, to which he was allergic, would irritate his eyes.  Thus, the shades of both types were explained.  I assumed the black robe was to protect his clothing underneath from collecting chalk dust.

He also had a slight speech impediment wherein, for example, he would say "phlease" instead of "please".

It was my third week in geometry.  I was struggling not so much with the lessons, but with the voice of the teacher and the fact that he was becoming more phonetically challenged as the days progressed.  It was somewhat hard to ignore, but I stuck it out.

Then one fateful day in that third week, he dissected the triangle, complete with diagrams and explaining all the angles, sines, cosines and tangents.

I immediately knew that I would not be earning this math credit when he pointed to the blackboard and uttered the words, "Can anyone name this 'phart' of the triangle."

Bodies fell to the floor erupting in laughter, with me being the first.  I happily dropped geometry for drama.
  

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This Theme Thursday's prompt is:  Triangle



34 comments:

  1. Excellent choice. Drama was the way to go. I know a math teacher at the college here who is Spanish, so any word in an "s" sound tends to get an "es" added to it. Phrases like "ex is squared" become "exes es squared," which is all right, I guess, if you know exactly what she's talking about, but since that really doesn't come close to describing the class's state of knowledge, things can get a bit strange.

    On the whole, however, she's actually one of the more understandable teachers here. There are some I occasionally talk to and couldn't begin to tell you what the conversation was about. For my part it generally consists of, "Hmm? Hmm! Hmmm. Well, that's the way it goes sometimes, see you later."

    Poor students. There are times I actually feel sorry for the creatures.

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  2. Frank: Yes, drama was way more fun and I had the same teacher for English. He was a blast.

    There were quite a few Spanish speaking students at our school and I did pick up a few words (mostly profanities), and a bit of the accent. When I returned home, I sounded like a southern belle with a hint of a Spanish inflection.

    "There are some [teachers] I occasionally talk to and couldn't begin to tell you what the conversation was about".

    So, you are saying that some teachers are boring?? I have pity for those students, but I'm sure you are not like them.
    ;-)

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  3. Phoor you and phoor him! Well phut.

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  4. I didn't get as far as geometry having dropped math earlier on. I do recall my math teacher in Grade 9. He was British. British math teachers, if this one's any indication, have odd notions about punishing students. When you chewed gum in his class you had to stand in the waste basket at the front of the class with your gum pasted to the end of your nose. I spent a lot of time in that waste basket, which could be why I thought math was a "waste" of time.

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  5. Stafford: Heh heh - yeph, there was no way I could continue that class without trashing his already fragile credibility.

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  6. dufus: I've had an Aussie teacher, but never a British one. So you "refused" to obey, eh?
    ;-)

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  7. LOL! I always dreaded the Oriental mumblers as professors in college.

    I never had to explain pharts, though.

    ;-)

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  8. Reffie: As a matter of fact, half the time I thought he was speaking an asian language since he did mumble a lot and had an odd accent!

    Pharting is such sweet sorrow!
    ;-)

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  9. Hey, that was quite good! Needless to say, I didn't become a "basket" case.

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  10. dufus: I was just phunning on your phost.

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  11. Noname: I've heard of that punishment, and even seen it depicted. Never ran across it though.

    00dozo: "So, you are saying that some teachers are boring??"
    Well, there's that. But mostly I don't know because they're not really speaking English.

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  12. Wow, that was an interesting teacher you had there. My math teacher was just an alcoholic who would come in late and then forget what he was talking about and tell us stories instead. He was fun. And probably the reason why I suck at math.

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  13. Frank: I guess you can't expect all teachers to be intelligible. Maybe they are those teachers who understand the 'facilitated learning experience'. Or are they just speaking Greek?
    ;-)

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  14. Ziva: If you can balance your cheque book, you're way ahead of the game. You can balance your cheque book, right?
    ;-)

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  15. Honey, I hate to break it to you, but we haven't used cheques or cheque books since the 80's. Over here we can check our accounts and balance on the internet, via the bank. No counting required, just a log-in every now and then to make sure everyhting is about right. But if I really really had to balance my cheque book, I might be able to do it. Or I might just get drunk and have M do it.

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  16. Ziva: Merlot instead of math. I like it!

    ;-)

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  17. AngelMay: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for dropping in!

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  18. hahaha. at least he kept it interesting...oh my...i never would hae made it through...happy tt!

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  19. hilarious! drama is more my speed too!

    i never landed the lead phart.

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  20. This is really funny and well written. Glad I stopped by for an entertaining and engaging read!

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  21. I went out with a really cute Italian guy in high school. Everything was fine until we were in his car and he asked me if I was "com fart able"? I could never take him seriously again!

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  22. brian: Heh heh - I don't think I ever did see his eyes. Happy TT!

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  23. Elise: Ha! I remembered your name (I'm so bad with names). Thanks, and I don't think you would have liked that smelly role.
    ;-)

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  24. brenda: Thank you! Glad you could drop by.

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  25. Linda: Heh heh - I guess you two soon pharted ways.
    ;-)

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  26. Brilliant! Brought back a lot of school memories... :)

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  27. Hi RA: When my memory kicks in, it's usually about an embarrassing moment, mostly mine! I don't understand why that is, exactly. Oy! Hope your's were better!

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  28. Hm, I'm wondering about the hiring criteria for Geometry teachers in FL. I took Geometry there too, and my teacher was clearly a zombie.

    Funny story. I'm glad you had drama to fall back on.

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  29. PattiKen: Ha ha ha - "zombie" is another way to describe what my teacher looked like! Your teacher didn't happen to wear sunglasses, did he?

    Life in high school is always full of angst - drama was the best choice, of course.
    ;-)

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  30. Haha . . such a shame it cost you credits but hilarious story. I guess it's the Spanish speaking Philipinos that have that intonation and kids will have their fun! I hated maths so much that I can't remember any of my maths teachers except Mr Vague . . seriously, Vague by name, Vague by nature.

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  31. Baino: Ha ha! Mr. Vague? When it comes to math, one cannot be vague about it! what an unfortunate name.

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  32. I am a laugher by nature and I always hated it when teachers were unintentionally comical. My math teacher was bald and the boys called him Baldy J (behind his back of course) and he always used his middle finger to point out anything on the blackboard. I spent most of my time trying not to get into trouble for laughing.

    I would still be in detention if I had a teacher like you described. Hilarious!

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  33. Leeuna: Ha ha - I don't think I attended one school where a teacher didn't have a quirk. Had my teacher used his middle finger, I would have been out of that class in the first week! Fun memories.

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