Momisms (Part 2)

I am of the firm belief that there isn't anyone who hasn't been embarrassed by their parents, either by actions or by words, at one time or another.

Take my mom, for instance.  She mixes metaphors and analogies, misuses words and/or phrases, loses her train of thought, etc., but she is otherwise very intelligent and generally serious so much so that she doesn't get the punchline some of the time.   I've already introduced you to Momisms (Part 1), so here is a continuation of her flubs:

One day we were discussing gardening with one of our employees and the subject of fertilizing and composting came up.  Some people use horse manure, worm casings, chicken shit, vegetable waste among others.  Then my mom piped up with, "Bat iguana is supposed to be very good for the garden".  Bat iguana??  She meant "bat guano".

Heh.

Her explanation for my fast eating habit?  When I went to a boarding school for a couple of years, I developed a habit of eating quickly because of the little amount of time allotted between lining up at the dining hall, eating, having a smoke and then getting back to class or to go and spend some free time with my friends before the dreaded "study hall".  So, if someone would ask why I finished dinner long before anyone else, she'd say, "She sniffs her food".  No mom, I "inhale" my food.

Heh, heh.

This one is priceless:  The government here took a census last year.  A woman from the census came by one night but we did not hear her at the gate (one is supposed to announce their arrival here by honking their horns) so she left a note to call her at her office.  The following night, mom called and answered the census questionnaire over the phone.  When asked about my educational details, mom told her that I graduated "phi-beta-kappa".  Rolling my eyes and cackling,  I quickly corrected her:  "It's summa cum laude".

Bwhahahaha!

Yes, she reads this blog.

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Note:  While reviewing my article history, I discovered that my "Bloggaversary" was three days ago.  I know, I'm three days late -  again.  I'm going to have to start setting my calendar ahead three days (I used to set my watch ahead 20 minutes because I was always 10 minutes late).  Anyway,  I also discovered that I had not posted this even though I wrote it almost a year ago.  I don't know why.

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Attack Of The Killer Zucchinis!

In case any of you were not aware, late last year I won a cheese calendar from some fellow Canadiens at We Work For Cauliflower Cheese, in which contains cheese dishes for each month throughout the year.  And, as usual - yet still living up to my job description - I am late in posting my review of March's mozzarella meltdown.  Okay, so there is no mozzarella involved in this month's recipe but there was melted cheese.
 
The recipe for March called for zucchini as the main suspect ingredient.  The only reason I am publishing this article sooner than my lackadaisical ass generally allows is because I am, apparently, deathly allergic to this seemingly benign widow vegetable.   I've been told that I have only a few days to live.

My Grassy Knoll Bullet

(Heh, heh)


Okay, I missed April Fool's Day too.   So I'm three days late and too many dollars short.  Sue me.
 
Anyway, this is a wonderful springtime recipe, extremely simple and very versatile.  It can be served as an entree or an appetizer and leftovers make an excellent starter base for a cheese sauce.

Creamy Zucchini Soup

Ingredients:

• 1 onion (approx. silver dollar sized or slightly larger)
• 2 pounds chopped zucchini
• 2 cups water or chicken broth (I went with the broth)
• salt & pepper to taste
• fresh dill to taste
• 3 to 4 triangles of Vache Qui Rit cheese (Laughing Cow, Boursin or cream cheese)

Directions:

1. Simmer onion and zucchini in water/broth for about 15 min. or until tender (you don't have to peel the zucchini)
2. Puree in a food processor or blender (I used a "Daily" hand mixer right in the pot  - really, who needs more dishes to clean?)
3. Add cheese, salt and pepper (and dill - I didn't have any and omitted it since I don't like it)
4. Stir until cheese has melted

That's it.  Easy peasy simple.

Oh, right.  The cheese sauce:  If you have some leftover soup, just add some extra cheese (any type will do), some extra broth or milk if it becomes too thick, and other seasonings to taste.  It's great over steamed broccoli, cauliflower, boiled potatoes or anything else you like dressed with cheese sauce - even peas (yeah dufus, I'm lookin' at you!).

Enjoy!


Some of you may be wondering why "pumpkin" is included in the labels for this post.  While I was looking for pictures of zucchini, I came across this:

(I think this might have been found at Charlie Brown's house)

Some time ago I participated in a weekly writing challenge hosted by a fellow blogger,  Jenny Matlock.  The prompt was a photo of a pumpkin patch and the above pic reminded me of my post for that week since it also involved zucchini.  If you are interested, you can find it here.

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There They Are ... Gone!

Alas (a.k.a. "thankfully"), all of the 'offworlders' have left this rock, the last being this morning and I hope she isn't sitting in a jail cell through her Miami flight connection merely for the banana bread I made for her.

So, I have a little more time nowadays to devote to my blog - not that you really missed me or anything.  *winks pitiful puppy-dog eyes*

Heh.

In lieu of me writing something thoughtful, provocative or ass-blasting funny (which I really doubt I can do and to dispell any rumours that I have, in fact, died), I leave you with a link I recently received in an e-mail that sums up the frustrations of those that wish to travel (particularly those who have visited with us and wished to extend their stay), and basically sums up air travel these days:

Cheap Flights

Feck it.  I'll swim.

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Holy Chocolate Cappuccino Cheesecake, Batman!

As promised in my post,  I Baked A Cake And Ate It, Too!, here's the recipe for that scrumpdelilicious cheesecake.  I've added some tips at the end but if you have any questions, please ask and I'll try to answer the best I can.

CHOCOLATE CAPPUCCINO CHEESECAKE

INGREDIENTS:

For the crust:
1 cup chocolate cookie crumbs
1/4 cup butter - melted
2 tblsp sugar
1/2 tsp cinnamon

For the cake (two parts):
3 (8 oz) packages cream cheese, softened
1 cup sugar
3 eggs, room temperature
8 (1 oz) squares of semisweet baking chocolate, melted and cooled
2 tblsp whipping cream

1 cup sour cream
1/4 tsp salt
3 tsp instant coffee granules dissolved in 1/4 cup hot water
1/3 cup coffee liqueur (Kahlua or Tia Maria)
2 tsp vanilla extract

For the frosting:
1 cup heavy whipping cream
2 tblsp icing/confectioners sugar
2 tblsp coffee liqueur
2 tblsp chocolate syrup

DIRECTIONS:

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter (or grease) one 9” springform pan.
• Combine chocolate cookie crumbs, softened butter, sugar and cinnamon. Mix well and press into the buttered springform pan. (1)
• In a medium sized bowl, beat the softened cream cheese until smooth. Gradually add the 1 cup of sugar, mixing until well blended. Add eggs, one at a time. Beat at low speed until very smooth. (2)
• Melt the semisweet chocolate in a microwave (intervals of 30 seconds on high – stirring between cycles). Once melted and smooth, let cool before adding to main batter.
• Stir melted chocolate and 2 tablespoons of whipping cream to cream cheese mixture and blend well. Stir in sour cream, salt, coffee, 1/3 cup coffee liqueur and vanilla. Beat until smooth. Pour mixture into pan. (3 & 4)
• Bake in the centre of the oven at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. The centre will be soft but firm up when chilled. Leave cake in oven with the heat turned off and the door ajar for 45 minutes. Remove cake and chill in refrigerator. (5)

For the frosting:

Beat 1 cup of whipping cream until soft peaks form, then beat in the icing sugar, liqueur and syrup. Spread topping on chilled cake. (6)


Tips and Tweaks:

(1) Since I did not have the cookie crumbs and being my lazy-ass self, I used two pre-made, store bought chocolate crusts (Oreo), then crumbled them with some melted (or softened) butter to set the crumbs for the crust into the bottom of the pan. In hindsight, I might have used the butter-and-flour method (using the crumbs in place of the flour) to coat the sides of the pan as opposed to trying to press the crust up the sides of the pan. Or you could just dispense with a side crust altogether.

(2) I have a Kitchen Aid mixer with a large bowl and the attachments tend not to reach the shallowest parts of the bowl. While beating the cream cheese (regardless of your mixer), occasionally scrape the sides, but mostly the bottom and your mixing attachment(s) with a rubber spatula to make sure all the cheese becomes incorporated with the batter which should, hopefully, eliminate any tiny lumps of cheese (or if you really want to go the extra mile and you are a masochistic narcissistic baker, you could push the batter through a sieve to eliminate the bumps and zits). But it’s always a good idea to add the separate ingredients before turning the power back on to the mixer.

(3) You can use ground coffee instead of instant, just make it strong. And if you are really into espresso (or cappuccino), the stronger the better!

(4) Once all of the batter ingredients are well blended and just before you pour it into the crust, whip it – whip it good! (Sorry for that earworm.) This will help the mousse-like texture of the cake.

(5) To prevent cracks in the cake, place a shallow pan of water in the oven. This is not always successful in preventing cracks but they (the cracks) are easily covered up with topping. If you see a crack developing after 30 - 35 minutes of baking, turn off the oven, leave the door closed for about 10 to 20 minutes then leave the oven door ajar for about 45 minutes.

(6) If you are going to use the whipped cream topping, make sure the cream is very cold (but do not freeze it), and that the bowl is chilled before whipping. I set my bowl in an ice bath while whipping (and it does take some time to whip).  Else, you could use a cherry pie filling or other topping of your choice. I might try a meringue topping next time.

I really hope some of you try and enjoy this recipe.

The recipe for March is Creamy Zucchini Soup.  Stay tuned.

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I Baked A Cake And Ate It, Too!

Having been busy with the poopettes, another visitor - this time from Canada and who also happens to be Murphy's mom - and being a bit laid up with more stomach problems, it was my birthday in late February and, as if I didn't already have enough to do,  I had to make my own birthday cake!  Really??

Sheesh!

Well, not really - I mean I really did make a cake but it wasn't just necessarily for my birthday. In late 2010 I won a calendar from the wonderfully cheesy people at  WWFC (that would be Nicky, CheesyMike and Sme Jepeto), with each month in the calendar featuring a different recipe with cheese as an ingredient.

February's recipe was (is):

HOLY CHOCOLATE CAPPUCCINO CHEESECAKE, BATMAN!

Okay, delete the "Holy" and "Batman" from the above and that gives you name of the recipe.  If you are a lover of cheesecake, especially CHOCOLATE cheesecake, this is a great recipe and relatively simple, too! The only problem I had was with the springform pan: I usually cheat and use the store bought crusts but the ingredients were such that they called for a larger vessel. I did, however, use the pre-fab crusts for the cookie crumbs which was way easier than scraping the cream filling off of chocolate cookies (we don’t have just plain chocolate cookies here) and then crushing them. Hey, the easier the better, right?

Since I am not much of a sweets fan, I was going to forgo the topping but the cake developed a crack (and, apparently, some teeth, zits and attitude) while baking:

Eat me.

As you can see, I had no idea what I was doing slightly overdosed on the crumbs for the side crust (I really didn’t know if I was supposed to do that or not - a side crust, that is) which shrank inward, making the cake look kind of like a flattened curling rock (and I mean the sport of curling, not hair curling unless you use rocks to curl your hair - hey, whatever floats your boat).  Regardless of its appearance, the cake was lighter than a regular cheesecake - almost mousse like - and definitely fabulous!

So, here it is in all its glory, the finished product:

Happy Frakken Birthday To ME!!!

In hindsight, I probably could have gone with a meringue topping but that may have been just as sweet as the icing the recipe called for.  Hmm … maybe cherry pie filling for the schmear next time. Yum!

Instead of including the recipe here, I will post it in the next few days with some tips and tweaks (i.e. so your cake won't grow 'teeth' if it develops a crack, etc.).

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Apparently, Toronto Isn't The Centre Of The Universe After All

Just a shorty today - still busy with the poopettes, but I needed a break.

These days, it seems one has to shake one's head in disgust at the education system.

Having a business here, we often need supplies, parts, etc. and we will order most of our needs via the Internet and most of it comes from the States (yeah, I be talkin' about the good ol' U.S. of A.).

Now, living in a foreign country can be tricky in that, when purchasing, many of the online forms require U.S. billing addresses for credit cards, among other information.  No worries:  we generally don't run into this problem and when we do, we phone the seller and place our orders directly without any further snafus.

What happened today totally boggles the mind.

We were trying to purchase an item online but the online order form required a "zip code".  There are no zip codes in the Bahamas.  Sometimes we can work around this problem via Internet but not today so me moms called the supplier and explained the problem she was having with its online ordering form.  All was well and good until the order taker asked for a zip code.  We explained that there are no zip codes in the Bahamas and that entering "00000" (five zeros) will generally be accepted in most computer program forms.

Okay, so the credit car information is given, the shipping address is given and after about ten minutes of trying to explain that our shipping address is different from the billing address - and, yes, we are in the Bahamas but it's going to Ft. Lauderdale - and then plugging in the necessary details, all is going smoothly until the seller's representative asks, "What State are you in?"

WTF???!!!

"We are in the Bahamas", moms says.

"So, what State is that in?", asks the phone rep.

Moms - now completely exasperated - asks for (and gets) the rep's supervisor on the phone.  Pleased with being able to speak with a 'real person' and after going through the whole rigmarole with the supervisor again, he asks my moms ...


... wait for it...


...(honestly, I can't make this shit up) ...



 "So, what State are you in?"
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Will I Ever Post Again?

Since the arrival of the Poopettes one week ago, I've been busy looking after them, trying to do daily chores without stepping on them at every turn and ensuring they don't become puppy chow for our larger dogs.

My daily routine hasn't been very routine in the past week and I barely have time to read and/or comment on many blogs, let alone trying to write a post myself, so I apologize for lack of appearances.

Back in November, I won a calendar in a  'name that cheese' contest from Nicky and friends at We Work For Cheese.  The calendar contains recipes for cheese dishes, one for each month of the year, and I promised Nicky that I would try each and every recipe.  January called for cheese rolls.  Great.  My bread making skills are severely lacking, particularly in the moist and rising departments (not a euphemism).  I followed the recipe to the letter but the rolls didn't come out as cheesy as I was expecting although that could have been my fault in determining if it was supposed to be a 1/4 cup of cheese, grated or a 1/4 cup of grated cheese:  in baking, this apparently makes a difference.  Also, bread does not like me - if I merely pick up a glazing brush, my bread falls even before I get near it with the egg wash.  The rolls were good, bigger than they should have been, but they dried out after a couple of days.  I blame it on the climate and our sea level or, maybe, I just suck at it.  No worries, I'm looking forward to this month's recipe:  Chocolate Cappuccino Cheesecake!

In other news, I recently won an award for a caption contest hosted by vicki (aka vickilikesfrogs), a very funny and snarkastic blogger, at Glitter Frog.  Her contest is presently on sabbatical but will return soon. Check her out when you can.

Thank-you vicki!!

We are experiencing a mini heatwave right now - I am sooo not looking forward to summer - but I feel sorry for all of you who are stuck in the cold weather, particularly those in the northeast, for having to endure all of that snow.  So, in the hope of bringing a bit of levity to your situation, my cousin (who is a 'custodian' himself) sent me this link:  Janitor's Revenge.  I hope it makes you smile.

Now, I have to get back to chores.
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