Zombies 'R Not Us

Since it seems to be the "theme" this year, I was hoping to dress up as a zombie for this Halloween but I'll have to settle for Mr. Bill because this is what I saw just before going to bed Thursday night:

"Oh, nooooo, Mr. Bill!!"

So my face is going to have that expression for the entire weekend, if not longer. Why, you ask? The circles above represent tropical waves in the Atlantic - the prepubescence of tropical storms, if you will - that have the potential of becoming full-blown (pun intended) hurricanes. And they come in colours (sorry folks, no flavours). Red is for a high potential storm. Orange is for a medium threat. And yellow (not shown, and not for banana flavour) is for those piddly little-ass farts squeaking off the west coast of Africa that the National Hurricane Centre unilaterally decides warrants a name, merely because the NHC doesn`t want to get blamed - or sued - should said fart amass into major diarrhea when one's butt is already firmly planted on the john and there is no ass wipe in sight. That, and they can`t - or won`t - justify the expenditure of a twenty or more hour flight to confirm that said fart will just harmlessly spiral into oblivion towards the North Atlantic, meanwhile the mere naming of a storm sends thousands, if not millions, of people into a long and drawn out period of anxiety.

Sorry for that run-on rant.

To give you a bit of my perspective:

Aaaacck!

Fortunately, the 'code red' storm (once known as Hurricane Shary, now a tropical storm) is traipsing her sorry butt towards the north Atlantic. The smaller 'code orange' system has since petered out (go figure), but the larger orange wave - now known as Hurricane Tomas - is headed toward the abyss which I have affectionately named the "Toilet Bowl". The last couple of storms that headed in Tomas' direction basically stalled then swirled around for a few days between the Yucatan Peninsula and Cuba before flushing away. So, you see, hurricanes are not only potentially dangerous, but they can also be geographically educational!

Unfortunately, however, hurricanes - much like the current mindsets of the upcoming voting American public and/or their candidates - don't really know in which direction they will blow:

To paraphrase Bugs Bunny: "Where the fuck is Albuquerque?"

Although I will not be dressing up as a zombie this Halloween, I will have the satisfaction of knowing that one of the storms on the horizon is near its ugly end.

Happy Halloween everybody!

Heh, heh.

It's Orgasmic!

The levee has broke. The cork has popped. The icing is on the cake. The bubble has burst. The summit was reached. Elvis has left the building. The fat lady has sung. The farm has been bought (oops, sorry, wrong analogy) ...

It's like that long lingering sneeze has finally come to fruition with an ooohhhh, soooo satisfying "achoo", complete with tears of relief, regardless of the handful of snot.

Yes, people, I'm talking about ...

humidity.

It's been a very long, hot and sweaty summer. The temperatures this year have broke many a thermometer in some areas, not to mention that barometers were "red-lining" all over the place. And I won't get into those body parts that I never knew could perspire.

Fall has reached with its cooler weather and beautiful foilage (which we don't get here, but I do miss it).  Oh, the joy of having your hair dry on the same day you take a shower.  Yes, it's orgasmic.

Oooooh! Aaahh!

*click* ... *puff*

Broadcast Jesters

It is not often that we watch the ten o'clock news, mostly for the reason that it's the local news from Miami and generally consists of rape, murder, armed robbery, arson and so forth, and is recently inundated with political campaigning smear messages (I can hardly wait for November 3rd).  That, and I find their telecasts obnoxiously loud.

On the rare occasion we'll catch The National on CBC, the one channel where we get Canadian news and, hopefully, without the satellite hiccups so annoyingly provided by our cable company.

Two nights ago, we were watching a Canadian correspondent with a live report from Chile who was describing the recent dramatic events surrounding the rescue of the trapped miners.  He recapped the events of the mine's collapse and elaborated on the current situation at the mine where many family and friends were gathering.  To paraphrase, the reporter said, "the atmosphere here has become almost carnival like.  Rescue efforts will continue throughout the night.  The clowns are expected to arrive tomorrow." [Live report ends]

WTF??  They're going to send in the clowns??

Last night we again watched the CBC news - mostly to find out the purpose of the aforementioned grease-painted personnel and, while waiting on the follow-up news bite of the Chilean rescue efforts, another foreign correspondent was reporting on a situation of a military conflict that I believe was somewhere in Africa.  I was in the other room during the story, not really paying much attention, and the only words I heard were, "...more crisis arises in this unpopular war".  Since when is war ever "popular"??

Immediately after that story, the rescue update was aired with video coverage taped earlier in the day.  Yes, there were clowns.  And, what was not made clear the night before, they were there to entertain the family and friends of the trapped miners, not the miners themselves.

I don't mean to make light of the unfortunate use of words or phrasing by these reporters - on the contrary, their missteps brought a bit of levity into stories that are otherwise sad and dire, but without detracting from the serious nature of those situations.  Shit happens.  And, apparently, so do clowns.

 Thank you.  I'll be here all week.

What's In Your Garden?

Okay, so I stalk follow some of you that participate in this Saturday Centus thingy and I thought I'd try my hand at it, mostly because the prompt triggered a memory. What I found out is that this is hard!  One hundred paragraphs?  Sure, no problem.  One hundered sentences?  Easier and less wordy.  But to limit oneself to a mere one hundred words?? Oy! Now I understand why Tom (a regular contributor  to the Centus and an extremely talented writer) babbles on with his huge intros (and I do mean that in the nicest of ways, Tom - I really do enjoy them!).  Being so limited while writing my entry, I felt the need - nay, the compulsion - to release the traffic jam of verbosity stuck in my head, hence this intro.

I will say, however, that this was (is) fun, not to mention difficult, and if any of you haven't heard this writing challenge, please visit Jenny Matlock at ...off on my tangent... for details and other entries.


So, without further droning ado...

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What's In Your Garden?

"Mrs. McDonald is coming by today to pick some veggies from our garden. Can you be here to let her in?", said mom as she headed out for work.

"Okay", I replied.

I had no idea what mom planted that year, but there was a lot.

"Where are the 'giant zucchini' your mom told me about?", asked Mrs. McDonald.

Not ever having seen a zucchini at that point in my life, I went out and pointed to an enormous bunch of large green things.

"Those aren't zucchini, they're pumpkins", she laughed.

I soon learned to make pumpkin pie. Ad nauseum.

Playing "Chicken" With The Tourists

That's not entirely accurate: it was the tourist who played "chicken" with me.

This past Sunday I had to run an errand to West End (which is more like going 'up north' - okay, I won't go into the semantics) and the car needed some gas. Now, some people might not think that detouring to the gas station as a life-altering coincidence but, in this case, I might have just saved the lives (or prevented personal injury) of several tourists.

Imagine, if you will, a stretch of road with two cars traveling toward one another. Midway between the vehicles is an intersection at which exists a stop sign and at which two other vehicles await their cue to proceed safely to their own destinations. As I traveled toward the intersection intending to make my left turn, the oncoming vehicle is traveling toward me - in the same lane! We were almost equidistant from the intersection and, not knowing how fast the oncoming car was moving or in which direction it intended to travel, I flashed my lights at it in alarm.

Without moving to the proper lane, the oncoming car continued forward but reached the intersection before me and decided to turn, narrowly missing the car sitting at the stop sign. Thankfully, the vehicle at the stop sign checked both directions before proceeding forward and noticed the wrong-way traveller, as it is very common here for some Bahamians to ignore stop signs and stop lights, or many other rules of traffic for that matter.

Mr. Wrong Way quickly realized his error, probably after almost having a heart attack when he turned the corner and saw two other vehicles in the lane he thought he should be traveling.

How did I know he was a tourist, you ask? All vehicles here are given a certain colour of licence plate and that colour depends on its use and/or ownership. Rental cars are given white licence plates with the alphabetical prefix of "SD" followed by a number. I always wondered what was meant by the "SD" designation. Now I know: "Stoopid Driver".

Nobody ever said Bahamians didn't have a sense of humour.

"Puttin' On The Ritz"

Firstly, let me apologize for the recurring and, more than likely, upcoming hurricane posts between now and the end of November. This post, however, is one I could not resist. So, without further ado ...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

As some of you know, I presently live in an area of the world that is ripe with tropical storms and hurricanes during the months of June through November every year. It is, therefore, typical if not prudent of me to monitor the weather in the tropics during the storm season for potential dangers that may befall us. Truly, a serious and intense attitude must be adhered to during these precarious times. Unless, of course, the storm has been named, "Igor" and, well, all serious objectivity goes south and turns into shits and giggles.

(Marty Feldman as "Igor" (pronounced "eye-gore") in Young Frankenstein)

I mean, really, how can anyone take a storm named "Igor" seriously? The forecaster from National Hurricane Centre was probably cracking up when he (or she) wrote the advisory headline, "...Igor creeping westward...".  I know I did.  One of the meteorologists on the Weather Channel even likened him to the sweet and innocent character that appears in Young Frankenstein, portrayed by the late (and great) Marty Feldman.

As I write this, Igor is merely a tropical storm, his projected path and development is unclear and will remain so for some time. I suspect that the storm's path with waver back and forth, much like "Igor's" hump did throughout the movie.

If Igor does eventually reach us, there's not much we can do about it other than prepare. In the meantime, I think I'll pop in the DVD tonight, just for shits and giggles.

Awww...How Purdy!

This is one of the latest infrared satellite images of the Atlantic.  I don't know if VanGogh would have been flattered or maybe just mad enough at Mother Nature to cut off his other ear in protest of being copied.

(Satellite Image borrowed from NOAA)

So far, none of the forecast tracks for the current storms have them coming toward our island (*crossing fingers, toes, legs and eyes - oops, maybe not the eyes, it makes it hard to type*), but we will get some of the effects like wind gusts that will cool down the temperature (YAY!!) and some rain bands that will make more work of our pool (bummer).  I guess you can't have the good without the bad.

Either way, I expect to be sporadically appearing online due to the weather and/or my stomach.  No worries, though, we will survive.

And, to any others out there that may be affected by the storms, be prepared and stay safe!

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Edit:  In case anyone is interested in tracking storms, there are many sites.  I recently found this site  which shows the computer models of storm tracks.  There is a zoom feature on the left and a toggle menu on the far right.  It's quite interesting.