Saturday, October 30, 2010

Zombies 'R Not Us

Since it seems to be the "theme" this year, I was hoping to dress up as a zombie for this Halloween but I'll have to settle for Mr. Bill because this is what I saw just before going to bed Thursday night:

"Oh, nooooo, Mr. Bill!!"

So my face is going to have that expression for the entire weekend, if not longer. Why, you ask? The circles above represent tropical waves in the Atlantic - the prepubescence of tropical storms, if you will - that have the potential of becoming full-blown (pun intended) hurricanes. And they come in colours (sorry folks, no flavours). Red is for a high potential storm. Orange is for a medium threat. And yellow (not shown, and not for banana flavour) is for those piddly little-ass farts squeaking off the west coast of Africa that the National Hurricane Centre unilaterally decides warrants a name, merely because the NHC doesn`t want to get blamed - or sued - should said fart amass into major diarrhea when one's butt is already firmly planted on the john and there is no ass wipe in sight. That, and they can`t - or won`t - justify the expenditure of a twenty or more hour flight to confirm that said fart will just harmlessly spiral into oblivion towards the North Atlantic, meanwhile the mere naming of a storm sends thousands, if not millions, of people into a long and drawn out period of anxiety.

Sorry for that run-on rant.

To give you a bit of my perspective:

Aaaacck!

Fortunately, the 'code red' storm (once known as Hurricane Shary, now a tropical storm) is traipsing her sorry butt towards the north Atlantic. The smaller 'code orange' system has since petered out (go figure), but the larger orange wave - now known as Hurricane Tomas - is headed toward the abyss which I have affectionately named the "Toilet Bowl". The last couple of storms that headed in Tomas' direction basically stalled then swirled around for a few days between the Yucatan Peninsula and Cuba before flushing away. So, you see, hurricanes are not only potentially dangerous, but they can also be geographically educational!

Unfortunately, however, hurricanes - much like the current mindsets of the upcoming voting American public and/or their candidates - don't really know in which direction they will blow:

To paraphrase Bugs Bunny: "Where the fuck is Albuquerque?"

Although I will not be dressing up as a zombie this Halloween, I will have the satisfaction of knowing that one of the storms on the horizon is near its ugly end.

Happy Halloween everybody!

Heh, heh.


20 comments:

  1. Here's to a stormless, yet spooky Halloween!

    Cheers!

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  2. 00, these graphics make the whole world of storms so much easier to understand. Especially that last Tomas image. Yep, that sure wraps it up and adds a shiny bow to the whole damn thing.

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  3. OOH NOO, OOdozo! Mr. Hand is messing with the hurricane maps! Scary!

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  4. Reffie: Tomas won't reach here tonight - well, not unless he borrows Christine O'Donnell's broomstick. Then that sure would be scary!

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  5. Cheryl: Ha! My thoughts exactly!

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  6. Boom Boom: I think he works for the National Hurricane Centre.
    ;-)

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  7. Do you ever go into a depression over these storm warnings? (haha, a little hurricane humour, there.

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  8. dufus: You're getting a big zombie groan for that one.
    ;-)

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  9. I get the pictures of the storms, but why the hell did you include a picture of the Paris metro system? I'm so confused. Happy Halloween!

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  10. Ziva: Maybe Tomas wanted to go to Paris in the first place(?)

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  11. Hurricanes are just weather zombies, right? The way they mindlessly eat everything in sight? After you're touched by one, you'd even look like a zombie with clothes in tatters, etc.

    Happy Halloween!

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  12. CheesyMike: Ha, ha! You know, I never thought of it like that, but you're right! Like zombies, hurricanes have no conscience.

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  13. Double O, it was sunny and 67 degrees here yesterday. Next year, plan on a visit to Cali during hurricane season. By the way, it's this the tail end of hurricane season? Sheesh! I hope so! Stay safe, Babe!

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  14. Linda: Your comment is lucky #13 in a Halloween post!! I'd love to take a trip out west - maybe I will when circumstances permit - and I will definately come visit you!

    Alas, the hurricane season ends November 30, but I thank whatever gods (or zombies) that it wasn't so bad - not just for us, but many more others. So, we patiently await the 'fat lady'.
    ;-)

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  15. I'm just glad they keep missing you. I dread the day when you post a column about how the dreaded hurricane *insert generic male or female name here* killed you.

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  16. BonyMike: I'm dreading that day too - I'd then be looking much like your avatar: thinking about how to post of my drastic demise.
    ;-)

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  17. I wish The Weather Channel would compare hurricanes to farts more often.

    :)

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  18. Janna: Ha! That would be funny.
    ;-)

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  19. Zombies and hurricanes -- never made the connection before -- the tutorial was interesting and I suppose the analogy could be made.....glad you weren't 'blown away' afterall this Halloween...

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  20. IWW: This hurricane season has been rather peculiar, but zombilike is quite appropos.
    ;-)

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