Friday, April 8, 2011

Momisms (Part 2)

I am of the firm belief that there isn't anyone who hasn't been embarrassed by their parents, either by actions or by words, at one time or another.

Take my mom, for instance.  She mixes metaphors and analogies, misuses words and/or phrases, loses her train of thought, etc., but she is otherwise very intelligent and generally serious so much so that she doesn't get the punchline some of the time.   I've already introduced you to Momisms (Part 1), so here is a continuation of her flubs:

One day we were discussing gardening with one of our employees and the subject of fertilizing and composting came up.  Some people use horse manure, worm casings, chicken shit, vegetable waste among others.  Then my mom piped up with, "Bat iguana is supposed to be very good for the garden".  Bat iguana??  She meant "bat guano".

Heh.

Her explanation for my fast eating habit?  When I went to a boarding school for a couple of years, I developed a habit of eating quickly because of the little amount of time allotted between lining up at the dining hall, eating, having a smoke and then getting back to class or to go and spend some free time with my friends before the dreaded "study hall".  So, if someone would ask why I finished dinner long before anyone else, she'd say, "She sniffs her food".  No mom, I "inhale" my food.

Heh, heh.

This one is priceless:  The government here took a census last year.  A woman from the census came by one night but we did not hear her at the gate (one is supposed to announce their arrival here by honking their horns) so she left a note to call her at her office.  The following night, mom called and answered the census questionnaire over the phone.  When asked about my educational details, mom told her that I graduated "phi-beta-kappa".  Rolling my eyes and cackling,  I quickly corrected her:  "It's summa cum laude".

Bwhahahaha!

Yes, she reads this blog.

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Note:  While reviewing my article history, I discovered that my "Bloggaversary" was three days ago.  I know, I'm three days late -  again.  I'm going to have to start setting my calendar ahead three days (I used to set my watch ahead 20 minutes because I was always 10 minutes late).  Anyway,  I also discovered that I had not posted this even though I wrote it almost a year ago.  I don't know why.

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24 comments:

  1. Happy Blogaversary!!!!
    My daughter, God love her, the other day was over I made a potato casserole, and she asked me how I came up with that Caucasian. She was reallllyyyy hung over, so I knew she knew the right word, but still it was funny.

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  2. Madge: Thanks! And it's probably a good thing your daughter wasn't still a bit 'tipsy'. I know of another compounded word she might have used, in error of course.
    ;-)

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  3. Bat iguana? That's funny.

    My mom has a funny way of saying some words that makes her sound "hickish". It drives me nuts because then I start saying the words that way. I have to stop and think about it!

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  4. Reffie: I wonder what a bat iguana would look like. Or if bat shit lookes like an iguana. I have no idea.
    ;-)

    Alas, I am not without fault of flububbery: I once called "gazpacho", "gestapo" - so, yeah, it probably comes from our mothers' genes.

    Heh.

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  5. My wife's French and often gets her English idioms out of whack. She told me recently she was going to crap the beat out of me. Hahahah. I'd like to see that. Uh, well, no not really. Happy Blogaversary double-ohs.

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  6. It's like inventing new meanings, i like it.

    Happy blogoversary!

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  7. I love your mom. She's hysterical. Happy Blogoversary, my friend.

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  8. Happy blogoversary! That last example reminded me of the time my mom told me a friend's daughter had graduated summa cum loudly. They should start a club :-)

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  9. dufus: Ha! That's funny! Why is it that the French usually speak English back asswards?
    ;-)

    And thanks.

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  10. EG: Fun with words! Sometimes the mouth is mightier without the foot in it.

    Thanks, too.

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  11. Jayne: Yep, she's got some good ones. She said something the other night that just floored me and I'll be damned if I can remember it - I really should write that shit down (normally I do). In that instance, she said something extremely punny but wasn't trying to be nor did she realize it so I had to explain it to her. Double the fun! Ha!
    ;-)

    I thank you too, my friend!

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  12. Nicky: Bwahahaha! I certainly hope that the daughter didn't earn it that way. That's funny! A club? Sounds like a plan.
    ;-)

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  13. Oh now that's too funny! Your mom is a hoot!

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  14. meleah: Yep, she certainly keeps me giggling, unintentionally most of the time.
    ;-)

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  15. OK, I read "bat iguana" and didn't bat an eye. I would SO get along with your Mom!

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  16. Katherine: "...didn't bat an eye."? Ha, ha! I hope that was intentional otherwise you have been automatically initiated into the "Flub Club" (as suggested by Nicky above).
    ;-)

    Thanks for dropping by!

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  17. Bat iguana...bat guano...same difference. Shame on you for making fun of your mommy...~looks around for own mother nervously~

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  18. Sounds like free daily entertainment!

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  19. Sandra: I've got more! Heh, heh.

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  20. Jenny: Sometimes she gets on a roll but doesn't realize it.
    ;-)

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  21. Oh I'm just like your mom! I blame it on the whole English-not-being-my-native-language thing, but honestly, I misuse words in Swedish and Finnish too, so it might quite possibly be a I'm-just-stupid thing.

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  22. Ziva: I think we all have done it at one point or another. Oh, and mispronouncing words is another of her claims to fame (but that's for another post).
    ;-)

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  23. Your mom sounds adorable. When I met my husband many years ago, he told me that he was a rescue swimmer and an expert at the hymen remover. Alex was not being funny. He just misunderstood the term having to do with CPR.

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  24. Linda: Thanks. "The hymen remover"? So Alex's only job was to rescue drowning virgins? Ha, ha! Too funny.

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